Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
