remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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