what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
