I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
tell me about the fingering
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
