I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
