She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
