Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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