my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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