Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
