a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
