We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
