i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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