was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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