I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
