you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
