I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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