so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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