Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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