I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
