marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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