I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
