allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
