I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize