i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
