Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
