I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
