I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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