just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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