My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
