you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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