Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
