i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
