New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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