What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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