Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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