His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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