I'm jealous of your bromance
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Boobs speak an international language.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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