whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
