I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
