I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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