I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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