i don't like sucking hair
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
