I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...