Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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