I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
