sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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