ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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