we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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