Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
