I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
