1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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