there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
