I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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