Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
