He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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