I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
