so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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