I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
