How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
