did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
