It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
