the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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