why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize