I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
